


His Heart's Direction

by epkitty



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Dubious Consent, M/M, Promiscuity, Sex Pollen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-07
Updated: 2011-03-07
Packaged: 2017-10-16 04:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/168253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epkitty/pseuds/epkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Did you know that chocolate acts as an aphrodisiac to elves?</p>
            </blockquote>





	His Heart's Direction

**Author's Note:**

> When a limerick turns into an epic poem, you get…

There once was an elf-prince of Mirkwood  
Who tried to live life pure and good,  
Till one fateful day  
When Pip passed his way  
And offered an interesting food. (1)

“Chocolate,” the hobbit said sweetly  
Before wandering off most discreetly.  
The elf took a nibble,  
Then started to giggle  
And fled to the bedrooms quite fleetly. (2)

He let out a wail that was keening,  
For he had an unusual feeling:  
It started off low,  
Then started to grow.  
With his body’s betrayal he’s dealing. (3)

To Aragorn’s chambers he crept,  
Moved, to hear how the warrior wept.  
Inside he slipped.  
At the man’s mouth he nipped  
And much more before the Heir slept. (4)

Yes, they tumbled about in the sheet  
And wound together from head to feet.  
The pounding was loud  
And drew quite a crowd,  
Whom afterwards Legolas did meet. (5)

He fled from the curious eyes,  
Whimpering his falsehoods and lies  
About the great pounding  
Of such a great sounding  
And limped off with his own mournful sighs. (6)

Still, the chocolate’s effects did last  
And he found himself growing fast.  
Yearning for release,  
The pain did not cease,  
So around him his eyes he cast. (7)

He searched for a lonely soul  
To fulfill his aching pole  
When Elrond came by  
And beckoned quite sly  
To go to the hay for a roll. (8)

The Half-elven was quite a master  
And Legolas found himself coming faster  
Than e’er he had  
With lass or lad  
And then left quite alone, murmured, “Bastard.” (9)

Half-clothed in the hay he lay weeping,  
Praying for a heart that’s worth keeping,  
When who should come by  
But that weird Gondor guy,  
A-tip-toeing and a-tom-peeping. (10)

Boromir happily lay with the elf  
And soon found a passion himself.  
For some time they sucked  
Before Legolas was fucked,  
Alone again, hissed, “I am NOTHING, myself.” (11)

The poor elf crawled out of the hay  
And awaited the arrival of day,  
But arousal was persistent,  
The aphrodisiac, consistent;  
He found himself in need of another good lay. (12)

Gandalf was more than obliging,  
Though himself, Legolas was ostracizing.  
Despite the good feeling  
And most artful dealing,  
The old wizard, too, he soon was despising. (13)

Legolas watched the sunrise that morning.  
It’s rays left gold in the leaves adorning,  
But still his heart quaked  
And his whole body ached.  
This chocolate consummation he was mourning. (14)  
For days the stuff stayed in his blood  
And clung to his insides like mud.  
The arousal he suffered  
Quickly was buffered  
By lovers who advanced in a flood. (15)

Any and all races came to him  
On every imaginable whim.  
Legolas gave in  
Just to drown out the din  
And his heart quickly grew grim. (16)

His body was ravaged again and again  
By ladies as well as by men  
And what could he do  
But give in to the slew  
And his spirit broke for all that he ken. (17)

The pleasure became a routine  
Bordering on the obscene.  
His soul became dead  
With bed after bed,  
Until even his mind felt unclean. (18)

Not soon enough the drug wore off.  
His sex-reeking clothes he tore off.  
Feeling quite grim,  
He went for a swim,  
But felt he could not wash the gore off. (19)

His reputation took a turn for the worst:  
First whore, then tease; he felt cursed.  
But, he stopped up his ears;  
The prince shed no tears,  
And his wounds he privately nursed. (20)

When Pippin found out the news,  
He apologized for the abuse.  
Quickly forgiven,  
He was now driven  
To lift the elf out of his blues. (21)

He had to make that awful wrong right  
And so spent all day and all night  
Studiously thinking  
And happily drinking  
Which brought on a terrible fight. (22)

Merry discovered the source of the evil  
And called his dear cousin a devil,  
“This fragile heart  
You’ve torn apart!  
You, when you plot and you revel…” (23)

The disgust in Merry’s eye  
Made poor Peregrin cry,  
But then Merry was gentle  
Yes, most sentimental  
And the hobbits resolved not to pry. (24)

There was nothing that they could do  
To make the elf’s heart like new.  
The broken pieces,  
Fragile as fleeces,  
Could not hold together with glue. (25)

They left the elf quite alone  
And Legolas uttered not even a moan  
At this sudden distance;  
He showed no resistance  
And his voice remained even in tone. (26)

The nine set out from Rivendell  
And followed the wizard, pell-mell  
Through the trees  
And wicked deeds:  
Legolas felt himself living a hell. (27)

The fellowship treated him as a friend,  
Though he wished the journey to end  
When three in the game  
His heart had maimed.  
Still, he pretended they did not offend. (28)

But the quest soon threatened their lives  
He trusted axe, swords, bow, and knives  
To keep them all safe.  
He no longer chafed  
To think them all friends, and survive. (29)

Verily, survive they all must,  
Which demanded considerable trust.  
He soon called the others  
His friends and his brothers,  
For he no longer felt any disgust. (30)

At least not for the men in the group,  
Though he called himself “fool” and “dope,”  
To believe that love  
Could come from above;  
On that idea, he held no more hope. (31)

Yes, he’d given up on that silly ideal.  
For him, love could never be real.  
Despite the deep ache…  
Despite the heartbreak…  
He knew love was something he’d never feel. (32)

So, he fought bravely and he did live,  
Though for his friends, his life he would give  
Should such a demand  
On his shoulders land,  
But the elf never received such a missive. (33)

But with the emotional distance he kept  
He found that soon he fervently wept.  
On they went  
But he did not repent  
Of the vow he himself did accept: (34)

“Never know love, nor ever devotion.  
Never know happiness or such an emotion.  
Never know joy  
With girl or with boy  
For love is a poisonous potion.” (35)

In Lothlorien he hoped to find peace  
And though the sorrow did ne’er cease,  
He found his heart lifted;  
His spirit was shifted,  
For friendship his soul did increase. (36)

A dwarf! He laughed at the odd concept:  
Such companionship should be inept,  
But trust and respect  
Urged the elf to reflect,  
And this friend Legolas soon did accept. (37)

Though often offensive and brash,  
Though he could make the elf’s teeth gnash,  
Legolas liked Gimli.  
(Though recalled dimly)  
How their cultures, ages, values could clash. (38)

Despite the constant insulting,  
They easily switched to consulting  
When danger was high,  
When death was nigh,  
When around them was great tumulting. (39)

The battle lasted long at Helm’s Deep,  
But neither would give in to sleep  
Protecting friends  
And at the end,  
Each other’s company they’d keep. (40)

Together they ate, together they slept;  
Together they laughed, together they wept.  
They fought side by side  
To turn the orcs’ tide  
And after the war, together they kept. (41)

Yes, together till the end they stood fast,  
Hoping for peace at long last,  
But until the time came  
They’d fight just the same  
Until evil threats had passed. (42)

But the elf felt that something was lacked  
And then was quite taken aback:  
For he looked at the dwarf;  
His emotions had morphed  
And fear turned his soul black. (43)

He found with the sight of his friend  
That his heart did swiftly bend.  
He blushed when they talked;  
He paused when they walked,  
And he wished his poor heart he could mend (44)

But Gimli understood his fair comrade  
And this reassurance made his heart glad  
For his heart felt the same  
His heart loved without shame  
Yea, his own love he’d hidden; he had. (45)

Yet neither said aught of their feelings,  
Content to continue their day-to-day dealings  
With friendly banters  
And idle canters  
And awkward sideward-glance stealings. (46)

The then, the Dark Lord was defeated,  
And battle wounds were treated.  
Of victories won  
Songs were sung  
And signs of the troubles deleted. (47)

Then came times of plenty and peace  
And up sprung hope that would never cease.  
Danger fell away  
In the light of day,  
But Legolas only found love to increase. (48)

It plagued him to think this odd connection  
Could be more than just friendly affection.  
Was his joy and trust  
Turned to love and lust?  
Yes. The Elf could not alter his heart’s direction. (49)

Then the pair took time for long-deserved rest.  
It was deep night in the heart of the forest  
When Legolas decided  
His heart could be confided.  
He resolved himself it would be for the best. (50)

He wanted the dwarf to know  
How very deep his feelings did flow  
Even if confession  
Resembled obsession  
He could not stop how his heart’s love did grow. (51)

In the deep dark of Fangorn Legolas knelt;  
He met Gimli’s eyes with great guilt.  
The dwarf quietly waited  
With deep breath bated.  
Legolas knew it was time to tell how he felt: (52)

“Gimli, you know you’re my dearest friend  
And I’ll be by your side till the end,  
But I’ve something to say  
At the end of this day,  
And I fear our friendship it will rend.” (53)

Came an answer: “Speak, and fear not,  
For you know our bond means a lot.  
I’d choose no other  
For my friend or my brother.  
Dear Legolas, what is this dark plot?” (54)

The elf bowed his head shamefully and meekly  
And his voice spoke uncharacteristically weakly.  
His hands gently trembled  
As his mind reassembled,  
And luminous tears fell down his cheeks sleekly. (55)

“The time has come for truth, I fear,  
And into my heart’s darkest corners I’ve peered.  
I must confess  
That in my breast  
Beats a heart of love for only you, my dear.” (56)

Legolas could not raise his head  
For all the heated shame and dread.  
He feared Gimli’s reaction  
To such an infraction  
And would just as soon wish to be dead. (57)

An answer was long to come forth  
From his companion, stout and swarth.  
The dwarf gripped his white hand  
In his own, rough and tanned,  
And returned the declaration henceforth: (58)

“Long have I guessed your heart’s direction  
And have long wished for this affection.  
Yes, my heart reveals the same:  
A love unfettered and untamed  
Though long have I feared a rejection. (59)

And still I wonder at your intent  
For on your own misery you seem bent,  
But all I desire  
Is your heart’s true fire;  
For our love I’d want no lament!” (60)

At these words the elf looked up quick  
And he felt in his heart a prick  
And then hope so great  
That he’d found his soul’s mate;  
He soon felt his blood running thick. (61)

“Is this true, Gimli my dear?!  
Can it be love has always been near?  
In my depression  
I’d no self-possession  
And never dreamt to find love here!” (62)

As he spoke the elf laid his hand  
On the dwarf’s solid chest and  
Without hesitation  
He smiled invitation  
And the lovers felt their hearts expand. (63)

Then, they leaned in for a first kiss  
And in it was no artifice.  
They met with abandon  
And soon moved in tandem,  
Knowing naught but love and light and bliss. (64)

Together they fell to the moss-covered ground  
And round each other’s limbs they wound.  
Feathery sighs  
Led to loud cries.  
To the other, hearts and bodies were bound. (65)

Hungrily their mouths met again.  
There was much touching and laughing and then  
They shed their clothes  
And forgot their woes  
In a meeting of flesh in the green glen. (66)

Reverently they explored new terrain;  
With lips, kisses they rained.  
Fingers touched sweetly  
Mouths met fleetly  
And laughter sung out in the Ent’s domain. (67)

With such activities they took their leisure,  
Though grew bolder measure by measure  
Until proper preparation  
Made way for penetration  
After which they soon called out their pleasure. (68)

Long they lay entwined together  
And vowed to stay that way forever.  
Lovers. Friends.  
Till the end.  
They shared a love never to be severed. (69)

Legolas smiled and said, “We share a connection  
Based on friendship, love, devotion, and protection.  
We’ve found a peace  
That ne’er will cease  
Because I finally found my heart’s direction.” (70)

= = = = =

The End


End file.
